Friday, August 12, 2022

1191 N 210 W American Fork Utah84003

My heart is so broken today. My things are bring moved out of the house I have lived in longer than I have ever lived anywhere in my 58 years and I am not there.

I returned to Utah unscheduled and went over there 2 days in a row this week to make sure that everything was done in my rooms. Of course, this is after I was supposed to have been here the last 2 months. Well, I guess not. So Michael Jones picked me up the end of April to go on a TransAtlantic cruise on May 8th 2022. Then I was to return to Utah for a bit, and then head to Oregon. So I guess I might not have been here anyway. But the fact that I stayed in Texas to help Michael move, and keep him company until he was ready to head west and then to be here but yet not be here was killing me all day. How I ended up here without him, unscheduled, is yet another story ...

But on Wednesday, Ash took me home so I could make sure things were secure. Kimberly, Shad and Desi had just returned from a vacation at Bear Lake and were exhausted, Kimberly said there would be no welcome home party lol I absolutely understood. Desi surprisingly, and amazingly came down to visit while we were there, which I loved. My bed had stuff on it, my sheets and blankets were packed, and with them so tired and not able to visit I felt like it was just easier to go back to Ashleys. Then I went alone on Thursday, planning to look for a couple of items that I thought I needed and to visit with the kids. Unfortunately, Kimberly was still not feeling well and tired. Shad and I got to visit, and he let Desi know I was there. She went in and walked on the treadmill so I headed downstairs. I was there for a couple of hours and found all but one paper I was looking for. So I went upstairs to see if they were up and about yet. It was still just Shad so he asked Desi if she would come down, so we could visit and do gifts, but she was in the bath and Kimberly was still in her room, not feeling well/tired. So I was very sad. I missed them more being there, in the house, than I did while I was in Texas. I had been asking what the schedule was, and Shad was going back and forth upstairs to find out.

However, we (Kimberly and I) have run into several issues when I hear things from Shad and not from her. I feel like there are times when she does not talk to me and he does, so I go with what I can. But I should have learned my lesson by now, even a slow learner should have grasped it at this point!! But we talked about how the movers were coming today to move all of my things, and a few of the unwanted items of theirs and I asked when should I come, etc. and he felt I would be more in the way than helpful. I told him to be sure and let Kimberly know he told me that! So I was very sad, feeling very overwhelmingly unwelcomed and unneeded and headed to Ashley's. With work and school she is gone so very much, but it was better to be in an empty house and lonely than a full one and feel lonely. Then today, she was at work from 8 am to 6:30 pm so I sat here so sad, thinking of all of the memories in that house, the fact that I would never again sleep there, and on it went.

Like I said, Desi came down on Wednesday night when I was there, to say hello. Was so very good to see her. What an amazing young woman she is! She will be 15 next month and has already become such an independent, strong minded and able person like her mother. I have lived with Destiny most of her life. It is truly breaking my heart to know that I will never again randomly hear her bust out in song while bathing, cooking etc. Never hear her walk on the treadmill, or hear her steps coming up or down the stairs to visit. To share a new song, to read me a chapter of her book, to tell me about what was goig on in life. Oh my gosh, so very many things that I will miss about my time in that house, with Kimberly, Kimberly's family, with Shad, and with my amazing pumpkin.

Fast forward a few hours, to Kimberly sending a pic of the storage unit, increasing my sadness, wishing I were there getting hugs, laughs, and memories with them when I get a text from Kimberly saying that she was sad and disappointed that I had not been there on moving day. That even while in Texas I said I would be there, and I was not......

I know what it feels like to lose a child, a feeling I will NEVER get over. However, the feeling you get knowing you disappointed your child, weighs as much as a ton of bricks sitting on your heart. That I disappointed her yet again, that she could not count on me yet again to be there for her, while she was hurting. I can never make those moments come back. I can never make those moments up to her. They are gone forever, and I have ruined more than her fair share of moments.

I need to find out what day they are moving out and move heaven and earth to be here for it. No matter what I am doing, where I am at. I will not be stupid enough to tell her I will be here, only to risk disappointing her again. But I will do what I can for sure.

Tuesday, January 25, 2022

Understanding Dad

So a bit of a preamble. Towards the end of dad Larry's life, he used to look out at his trees/yard and get sad. He would say that he could no longer water his trees, take care of his yard, take out his own trash. He would get sad, but also mad. When he saw technology, or companies would say they were going paperless he would be angry, not everyone understands etc. I felt his frustration from both sides.

However, when dad Dave gets upset, or sends back my gifts, I have baggage with him so I take it personally. I have recently been trying hard to take the personal out of it and see it from his point of view, using Dad Larry and his experiences as a guide. And I have more compassion now, no anger, and no hurt over that situation.

Last time I was at mom and dads, dad kept hopping up out of his chair and going into the craft room. After a few trips mom asked if we got to know what he was doing. He was angry and said some snarky remark about how he was just that important. So mom and I buried our heads in our books/games and went about our business. So a few trips later mom asked again. Now my dad is rude, unkind, etc. at times, but he doesn't yell and scream. But dad got loud and said if you must know, I need to print this off but I am too stupid to do it and walked out. Mom just said that dad gets so frustrated when he cannot do things. I have thought a lot about that, and since dad has been doing those types of things for so long I take for granted that he knows how and it comes easily. Same thing I told myself about the electronic frame I sent. He has been setting stuff like this up for years, just add email and password etc. that I took for granted that he can still easily do it. But the fact is, even things he has been doing, are now not something he can do easily. As we get older, even things we have done a hundred times make us pause to think sometimes. So I have let go of the anger that he sent the gift back, the hurt that the gift was not good enough or up to his standards, and I have replaced it with understanding and compassion for his frustration it must have made him feel. I have added compassion that I must have rubbed salt in the wound by saying I had researched it and it was supposed to be easy to setup. I know that I get frustrated when I cannot do the seemingly simple things in my life even after looking up how, watching a you tube on it, things the kids do for me, and I will try to remember that in gifts I give from now on.

I also look back and think the times that he is the biggest jerk is when something evokes a lot of personal emotion for him. He may not handle it correctly, but I will try to look at it from his perspective from now on and understand that he is not able to handle highly emotional things for whatever reason. I cannot do anything about that, I can, however, learn how to understand and handle the emotion on my end.

Wednesday, December 29, 2021

Nedra Dee Roney Passed Away October 23, 2020

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Nedra Dee (Roney) McKell

July 5, 1955 ~ October 23, 2020 (age 65)

Obituary & Services

Tribute Wall

Obituary

Nedra Dee Roney McKell, of Springville, Utah, quietly passed away October 23, 2020

Nedra made her mother’s dream of having a little girl a reality when she was born on July 5, 1955 in Marysville, California to join her two older brothers. Six younger brothers later, it was clear that one girl was enough and that she would have to hold her own. Vivacious and “in charge” from the beginning she was always the center of attention among her brothers. While still in elementary school she wrote plays and artistic performances. Nedra used her early acquired power of persuasion to convince her brothers to dress up and perform at her direction, using her parents as the audience. Sharing a three bedroom home with her parents and eight brothers meant that the family room sofa was her bed. She always knew who was coming and going and what was going on in the family. She finally got her own bedroom at age 14 after moving with the family to Lake Arrowhead in the Southern California mountains.

In high school, Nedra kept a full schedule from 6 a.m. morning seminary studies with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, to after school extracurricular activities as a Rim of the World High School Cheerleader/Song Leader. She also enjoyed being a member of the Snow Valley Ski Team in addition to many other activities. It was during high school that she travelled to Guatemala for the first time and acquired a love for the children there and a desire to help them. Nedra furthered her studies at Crafton Hills College in California as well as Brigham Young University in Provo, Utah and Brigham Young University Hawaii.

Born with an entrepreneurial spirit and a firm belief that she could do anything with the power of persuasion and without fear, Nedra looked for opportunities in many companies, all having sales in common. It was while she was studying at BYU in Provo, Utah that she conceived the idea for a skin care line containing “all of the good and none of the bad”. She partnered with her friend, Sandie Tillotson and her brother, Blake Roney, and Nu-Skin International was born. It has grown to be one of the leading and most innovative multi-level companies in the world with sales organizations in more than 50 countries. Along the way she also dedicated her time and efforts to real estate investment and many philanthropic pursuits.

Nedra founded the Rose Education Foundation, which provides education to children in Guatemala and water to many towns. She travelled there often to personally give her love to the children. In addition, she immersed herself in helping the American Indian Services improve the lives of American Indians and especially their children. She visited their communities and encouraged them to dream and better their lives through hard work and to believe in themselves. Nedra invited the people she met into her home and truly loved and cared for them.

Nedra was a great storyteller. With a flair for the dramatic, her stories grew bigger than life, but always captivated, encouraged and inspired. She could sew, sing, cook, play the guitar and make beautiful jewelry, which she freely gifted to others, always with a loving story of the meaning of each stone and bead.

In 2006, Nedra moved back to Utah to fulfill her dream/affirmation of becoming a farmer’s wife and to raise 12 children together in a cabin. She met Rob McKell, who had worked on the house and grounds of the home she had purchased. Nedra told friends that she would marry Rob, he just didn’t know it yet. She invited him over, and soon learned that he had five children, and that he was indeed a farmer and livestock producer. They were married on August 9, 2007 and sealed shortly thereafter. With Nedra’s seven living children and Rob’s five, she received her dream of a farmer, 12 children and a mountain home in beautiful Hobble Creek Canyon.

Nedra had the faith of a mustard seed and truly loved the Lord above all. Most of her life she wore a necklace with a tiny mustard seed in a small glass globe as a symbol of faith. She loved her family, and her brothers and their families. She had a special place in her heart for all children. She facilitated efforts and made it possible for many couples to adopt and complete their families. Nedra spent countless hours listening to her friends while counseling and worrying about them.

Awaiting to receive Nedra with open and loving arms are her parents, Jeane and Arden Roney and her daughter, Tarah Jeane Smith among many other loved ones.

Left here to honor her memory are her husband, Robert C. McKell, her mother- in-law, Kathleen Holley McKell, her children, Jentry, Robert Jr. (Ariauna), Cheyenne (Robert), Landon (Emma), Kylee (Seth), Brooke, River, Kade (McKynlee), Summer, Connor, Coral, Winter, her grandchildren, Ensley, David, Noah, Brooke, Kacen, Cheznie, Ivie, LoLa, Slayter, Saigelynn, Willow, her brothers, Rick (Kim), Kirk (Melanie), Mark (Carlos), Blake (Nancy), Derek (Becky), Brooke (Denice), Burke (Andrea), Park (Stephanie), Ryan (Dorothy), Brad (Rachael), Greg (Christine), Reagan (Patience) and many, many nieces, nephews, grand nieces, grand nephews and countless friends.

Nedra loved bling, jewelry, lace, leather, perfume, flowing clothes, giving and more giving, limelight, laughter, storytelling, friends, mystery, drama, travel, Christmas, food, parties, living life to the fullest, lipstick and lashes, nails and hair.

As we honor Nedra’s life we will always remember her as we recall never ending stories of a life full of charity, service, kindness and love.

A private family service was held Friday, October 30, 2020.

To send flowers to Nedra's family, please visit our floral store.

SERVICES WERE HELD

Monday, March 18, 2019

Michele's Beautiful New Home

Carolyn Peyton outside Michele and Doug's home in Welcome MN

Carolyn Peyton and Christina Marie relaxing in Michele's formal living room upstairs

Looking out at the old house before the firehouse used it as training and burned it down.

Bench in the entry hall

Grandfather clock in formal living room

Tv over fireplace in formal living room

View towards garage side door from front porch

Another view looking towards old house

Looking out from the new front porch

view from formal living room towards front door and down stairs

again, view from formal living room towards front door and more towards hallway leading to Dougs office, Michele's crafting room, their bedroom, baths

chairs by fireplace in formal living room

Their spotless garage and stairs leading into downstairs of house

more of garage

Laundry room, to the left as you enter in from the garage, part of broom closet and fridge in the kitchen next to laundry room

Michele whipping something up in her new kitchen

Part of the new kitchen

A smaller living room area as you come in from the garage (the entry from the stair you saw in the garage pic) Carolyn Dagmar Petersen Peyton looking around, getting the tour

Same room, different angle and my mama

Same room different angle

Downstairs bath, across from guest bedroom and next to small living room area

heading into large family room area

area just off of large family room area

large family room area

kitchen off of family room area, kitchette

Christina Marie and Carolyn Dagmar admiring decorations in kitchen/gaming area off of large family room area

Michele describing decorations they are looking at

Michele the tour guide

entertainment center, gaming table, sitting area in large family room area

Mom enjoying the views/tour

Carolyn Dagmar at the bottom of the stairs ready to start the downstairs portion of the tour

View of upstairs formal living area and dining room

View from front door into formal living room

Doug's office

view from end of hall back into entry way

Upstairs hall bath. This is Doug's bathroom. He likes the walk in shower

Closets in Michele's crafting room

Desk and sewing table in Michele's crafting room

Doug and Michele's bedroom, with Carolyn Dagmar looking around

Master bedroom dresser

Master bedroom bed, Doug makes the bed everyday

Michele's soaker tub in her master bath

Vanity in the master bath

Movies and Music

It is safe to say that movies and music are a big part of our lives I believe. The level of importance is different for us all, but we have all expressed that music especially plays a huge part of our existence.

I was listening to the Daughtry station as I was doing dishes just now and when Linkin Park came on I pondered how upset Kimberly was every single time they played on a device I was listening to. I used to freak out when they came on when she was younger, gave her a hard time about it. I used to tell her she can blame Morgan for that but honestly, it is that she can thank Morgan.

I broke her movie Coyote Ugly, I griped about movies and music. I was wrong. I placed the importance on the wrong things.

My experience with D. and Metallica and the similar music, American Beauty and similar movies really made me freak out, when my kids especially, would watch things that put my mindset in a familiar light. I would watch physical, mental, and verbal/actions change in him as he listened/watched certain things and I assumed that we would all be that way. Morgan was able to get me to realize that we are all individuals and regardless of our environment we can choose to be different or the same despite our movie/music choices.

It still took a while to sink in fully, and took me a while to truly believe that we all make our choices based on how it makes us feel. I am not saying that a bank robbers child will not think it is ok/cool, and follow, or a smokers child to take up smoking, parents that swear will probably have children that swear, but an individual can choose to stop/do or not do the behavior that they have witnessed/are surrounded by.

Morgan was able to listen to music by those I thought were quite harsh and smile, help others, be kind, laugh and in general be a good person that has flaws but worked to correct them and just be a better individual than the day before. I could see for the first time that it was more the person than the music or movies, I focused on the wrong thing because of my very personal experiences.

Thursday, December 27, 2018

Christmas 2018

Some of you may not like Last Man Standing, or Tim Allen...Kim lol but he does vlogs. He just did one about being a perfect parent. Raise your hand if you are one, raise your hand if you had one...the score is 0 to 0. I liked that. He then reminded me of the quote that says, Staying mad/holding grudges is like drinking poison and hoping the other person will die. I apologize if I said that wrong, I cannot remember it verbatim

This year Christmas was almost like an after thought. I was spending time being a daughter, and trying to take care of my parents. All of us imperfect. Despite this, I managed to regift, or egift those that I care about. The best part of it all, was time. Kimberly, Shad and Desi made an amazing meal from veggie and fruit/deviled eggs to pumpkin pie. The turkey, ham, mashed potatoes, gravy, stuffing, rolls, pistachio pudding, all of it, was incredible. We also played games off and on all day. Ashley and Andrew were able to stop over to eat and play a couple of games which ended the night on a perfect note.

I know that mom and dad appreciated the items I did to help around the house, but mostly, as always, we sat around and just spent time together. I cannot remember who I was talking to, but we were talking about service. It used to be that money was what was needed the most. Now most people write a check and put it out of their minds when what is needed is time. Reading stories, taking walks, watching a movie, listening to them - thoughts and stories.

I have been learning that life is so very short. I know that we hear elderly people talk about how fast life is going, enjoy it, take time for yourselves and each other etc. but it did not really hit, at least not for me, until the last decade. Now, as often as I can I email or call mom to ask questions about her life, and I record as much as I can. I only got dad Larry on the recorder a couple of times and I wish I had so much more. I had slacked off on questions via email to mom and have not started with dad Dave yet, and I need to step it up.

I am unfortunately not going to be around for that long. Does not seem like it but I am over the half way mark already. As I have said before, no age bothered me except 25. Seemed so ancient back then. Quarter of a century seemed like wow, it is all down hill from here. 50 was no big deal to me. 54 is not a big deal. 55 is not necessarily a big deal but it has slapped me upside the head and made me realize that I am getting up there. Life starts to slow down in a decade or so and I am already going slow!!

OK, enough babbling. I love my family. I appreciate being able to spend time with you all when it is possible, when you are able. I think about you and continue to worry/rejoice/be proud etc. when you cannot. Just glad for all of it!! Love love love you all!!

Peyton home in Odell Oregon - Christmas Time

Mom goes all out for Christmas. The last few years she has had to cut down a bit but is not ready to give it up yet. For some reason I did not get a pic of everything. The wall tree in the kitchen, the tall cabinet in the dining room with snow babies, and the homemade village on top of the china cabinet, and the village in the sewing room are a few of the items that I can think of that I missed...But their home is very comfortable and inviting in the Christmas season. A lot of work goes into it, but even more love of the holiday and all that comes with that.

3 different views of tree/living room wall hangings