Christina and Kimberly were always close it seemed. We preferred the kids to be in pairs so we had Christina and Kimberly go together and Ashley and Amanda go together. A lot of things about that was not fair, but that is the way it was regardless of what some of us wanted. The girls ended up being together a lot due to needing to isolate them. They would spend hours/days/weekends in the basement or in their rooms together. They seemed to make the best of it, they did have food and I always tried to sneak down some extra stuff to them when I could.
They seem to still get along. I think that they have each done their healing at different times and that has caused some tension and fights at different times in their lives, but I firmly believe that they love each other and would do anything for each other when needed.
My girls had the same with me. They loved and protected me. Too much. They did what they could. I know that they were told to disobey me, disrespect me, give me crap based on what they were asked - TOLD - to do. Amanda was the closest to me the longest because he was otherwise occupied for the first several years of her life. But he then worked ten times harder to sever those ties with her than he had to with the others. I did so many things wrong with my family...the worst of it was not being there for them as a mother should have been. All of them lost me to being numb, scared, wimpy, or any number of other things that I did or did not do as I should have. I praise my kids for being there for their children. I can pray they will work on healing and their kids better than them etc. I truly pray that none of my kids will allow abuse and mental issues affect their parenting as much as is possible, and that their kids would continue being so incredible.
I have a good relationship with Christina and Kimberly for sure. I know they still have issues with things I did but they have talked to me I believe. I think they still protect me too much. I do not think they want to worry me, or trust me with issues, but I think that they will come to me as a friend now more often than they would have before I got some distance and perspective about life. Ashley and I have a superficial friendship I think. I broke her trust when she asked me to keep my mouth shut and just listen and I opened up and inserted foot effectively shutting her down from opening up. She had some very major events happen after that, and did not tell me. So she turned to others. I hope that I am rebuilding that, but I am not sure she has worked thru everything she needs to in order to give me a level of trust needed for friendship. Amanda has not talked to me for quite a while now. I have blown it with her for all but 4 or so years of her life, so that will take a long long time to heal, and I am not sure it will happen.
We watched movies, went to the library, and July 4th everything. As far as the family we did basketball or softball (when we were not being yelled at) For me, all family activities were tainted at one time or another. Even when we went to Disneyland, it was some sort of tension. I am sure the kids felt the same, or worse, but I hope the times that we had with just us left good memories for them.
I have many fond memories. I really enjoyed the Sundays when instead of us being cast to room or basement we would all be kicked to the curb and go to the movies etc. That was fun. Remember when I accidentally bought movie tickets to the movie that was basically over? I don't remember what the movie was but I remember feeling terrible about the mistake!!
ReplyDeleteI do not remember that. But I hope we made the most of it!!
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