June was quite the month, well it isn't even over. The month started with birthday dinner for Joel and I...it seems that it was a crazy day but I cannot recall why at this point, should have written then. Anyway, I prepared to head to Nebraska/South Dakota with Ashley and Amanda for David and Emily's wedding. It was so awesome. We drove 15+ hours and arrived at the address we had for the hotel and it was an awning with a door and a couple of doors up some steps but nothing looked like was a hotel/no desk/room numbers that we could see etc. So I call the number I had for the hotel and they laughed, yes, we were in right spot, just head up the stairs and punch in the code...umm, what code? more laughter, and then she told me the code. Room was fun. When you walk in there is an antique desk to left of door, a round table and old fashioned lace cloth and lamp, day bed to right of door on wall, then same wall was fridge, microwave, wire rack with china etc. then cute bathroom with pedestal sink and tub with rounded edges where it was not against wall. Then in bedroom was a huge bed that was the most comfortable thing I have ever in my life encountered. An old fashioned dresser with mirror, stand alone full length mirror that was beautiful, a lattice screen with shelves etc behind it for dressing area, and then a tiled raised area with HUGE claw foot tub for two...was a little weird for my daughters and I lol. We got Burger King and went to bed. The next day Michele arrived and we went to help unload cars and start decorating. We decorated for several hours - 5 or 6 - then we went with Michele to Mexican restaurant and then shopping at WalMart. Then back to hotel. The following day we started off by decorating reception hall again, then headed to golf course club house to decorate for grooms dinner, then to church to decorate. After all day of decorating we ran home to change and headed back for rehearsal. We were all fine until David wiped his cheek after Emily walked towards him, oh my gosh, we all lost it, mildly. So sweet. Emily and her bridesmaids were all dressed so nicely and all of the groomsmen were in jeans etc. was funny. Then we went to the grooms dinner and David gave a very sweet talk and they handed out gifts. Then we ate dinner and dessert, and dismantled the decorations, and headed home to hotel in South Dakota - hotel and reception in South Dakota, grooms dinner and wedding in Nebraska. Then Sat we woke up and headed to wedding which was absolutely beautiful and amazing. David was crying as he led mom and dad up aisle and gave them a hug, then he cried while Emily came up the aisle, red eyes and discreet wiping, then both he and Emily had shaky voices as they said their vows. Then we left the church in rows and when it was almost empty we headed to front to dismantle the decorations there. We finished before David and Emily went out to limo. Amazing how many hours it takes to put it up and how little time to take down, reminds me of Thanksgiving dinner that takes so long to make/prepare and how 20 minutes later everyone is full and gone. Anyway, then we headed to reception and had such a nice time. Dinner/Dessert etc then dances/cutting of cake etc etc etc and then Ash Manda and I headed back to hotel for a while. We went back a couple of times to see what was going on and then about 11:45 we went back and started taking down lobby decorations. Michele came back about midnight and we all started going full steam as everyone started to leave. We worked around several but they had migrated down towards bar and stayed on dance floor. So with all of us working it was not bad. Home in bed by 2. Then we woke up and headed to Michele and Dougs hotel room where everyone gathered for gift opening and lunch. We watched the gift opening and then said our goodbyes. Hit Wendys and hit the road. I drove until it was dark and then Ashley took over. got home safely and was very glad to get out of car!! Then Ash and I returned the rental car the next day and just took it easy. That evening I received an email from Candy that her son was missing and that a dead body was found in the vehicle him and step brother were driving. Next couple of days I kept in touch and on Wednesday, 2 days later, they confirmed that the body was her son Steven. I could not believe it. So I told my work that I had to head out again. I had Kim and Amanda take car up to Tom's as I did not want to spend money to rent one again but spent $362 to get it ready to go...ugh. Headed out Sat morn around 4 and arrived there around noon. Mom had flown in on Friday and Angie (my sister) was already there as was Tanya and Natasha (Candys daughters)  Candy Tanya Natasha and I then jumped back in car to go to LA where they found the vehicle. Candy wanted to put flowers, candles, and card there. Stevens half sisters went and added more flowers etc later. Later that night mom and I did some shopping, filled my car up with gas and I got a hotel room. Sunday we did...I don't know what. Pretty much Sunday and Monday we were copying pictures, painting items, getting flowers and items ready to go to funeral. Tues night George Tanya Sage (Tanyas son) and I went to LAX to pick up Michele. then on Wed we drove to Big Bear/Running Springs for funeral. Thursday we just shopped etc. trying to keep Candy busy. Michele mom and I went to Angies and went thru items to load my car with. Candy Tanya and Natasha arrived several hours later and we went out to eat then swam in pool/jacuzzi at Angies. Then on Friday we went to Newport Beach where we all proceeded to burn although Michele and I were lobsters. Michele and I went back to hotel and got cleaned up, shopped and got pizza for dinner. Sat morn we had talked about going to Catalina but Michele was way hurting so we just hung at Candys, cleaned out her fridge and then Angie came out to eat KFC.. Then I headed out to dads house. I know way to dads but was tired so decided to let GPS do work and got a little lost. They wanted me to turn up road that did not look good so I passed it but because I did not think for myself I was turned around and so did U Turn and turned on road but literally stopped after 2 feet and decided not to chance it, but was stuck. After going forward and backward I got out but had ripped off 2 huge plastic deals that protect under carriage and my bumper was hanging down on both sides! So I called dad, he came and put parts in his trunk and took my car to jerry to fix. Jerry lifted car and said no damage and re-connected the bumper for me so I could drive home. I was bawling because of emotions and how tired I was!! I was so upset. Had a short but nice visit with dad then set alarm for 3 but was up and out by time it went off and was gone by 3:15. Had uneventful drive home and I pray I do not have to get in car for long ride for a long long time. OK enough for tonight!!!!

So I was thinking last week about how you are supposed to get it all done. You need to work to make sure you keep a roof over your head etc. you need to exercise and you need to eat right, which of course entails shopping and cooking not eating out, then you need to enlighten your mind which requires reading, learning, then you have to keep your house clean etc. and it goes on and on and on...each of those subjects require a lot of time and energy and one begets another. ie if you do not exercise and  eat right then you do not have the energy to work and clean etc. and so on and so forth. so with needing sleep how is one to balance all of these things while still having a bit of fun and finding joy in life? Wait wait wait, this is not to discourage you, I have the answer....we just need to be one of the Cullens!!!! no sleeping, smart due to time, talents enhanced, money due to knowing everything and so it goes, see...the solution!! LOL oh well, guess I will just get some sleep and try to succeed in all areas again tomorrow!

so you hear about people writing a blog and making money doing it. how does one do this?

More thoughts

I think blogs are like journals, we do not write a lot but even if we do we want to delete/tear out pages because we do not want others seeing us at our most vulnerable. We may write when something is so amazing and exciting but for the most part I think we write when we are contemplative/pondering/pensive/hurting. I for one have thrown away many a journal page because of not wanting anyone to know what pain and stupidity are within its pages.  just a thought.

Anyway, I really want to quit work. As far as jobs go, I have a good one. But I often think about life and where I thought I would be at - almost - 48, and this is not it. I would like my self sustaining property with my kids on their own 10 acres if they would like it. Or even here in my apt. minus the people upstairs. I have thought of many things I would like to do in order to attain this goal, other jobs, businesses but they would be run by me and my rules/hours. Not in a way that would make it to where I did nothing, although on some days that sounds good, but more in the way of doing something I would love to do. That I could be passionate about instead of just liking a paycheck. Bed and breakfast. Restaurant - small and cozy with couches as well as tables (the Chocolate that Chrissy took me to is almost exactly what I had in my head, seeing it just made me realize that my thought could become a reality) although I would want to provide delivery service. Book store before e-books took over the world lol. The ultimate dream would be to build this or convert this house on top of an Irish cliff overlooking the ocean, fireplace blazing. But I would settle for Utah County!

I have started a book, although I have no idea where it is going or even if it could go anywhere. How is it some people have so much confidence? They know what they want to do and then believe in themselves and their abilities and just go for it, regardless??? They fail, and fail, and then succeed. What is that ingredient that makes some seemingly better than others? They are not, they just fake it til they make it. The Slight Edge (book) talks about doing one small thing, seemingly insignificant, each day that makes a difference. ie. save one dollar, read 10 pages of a self help book instead of a novel, pass by the cake one time, do one sit up etc. Add those up and soon you are financially, mentally, socially, physically improving. One small item, one baby step, one step on your journey of a thousand miles. Will I take that step?

Tonight I thought of a series of kids books about traveling. Somehow to make it fun for kids but yet educational so parents will buy it. My dream when my kids were little was to take them out of school for a year and get in a motor home and go. We would hit historical sites, and I wanted to hit church history sites, but to stay as long or as little as we would like in each place learning as much as we could. I want to put that adventure in books. One book per site or state or country, something like that. illustrations, stories, characters etc. I would love to publish these and be able to retire in a while. Anyway, I need to go to bed but I wanted to write it down so I would not forget. I told Amanda about my idea, and asked her to, so now it will be in 2 spots!! Good night all!!

Thoughts????

Hey Chrissy, we need to do my top 10 and we also need to do top 10 eyes...

Sitting here watching TV

So, I have been watching One Tree Hill and went completely obsessive immediately. That happens when you have no other life! When I was in school I did not watch much tv at all, or read for fun. When I do stickers I watch a lot of tv but I am making money and doing something. Now...I am sitting in this chair wasting away as a chair potato!!  I have been talking to my enrollment specialist about starting school again, but I would be lying if I told you I had not thought of what that would do to my tv watching that I am now addicted to lol.

I have gone thru many stages over the last several years but now I seem to be in full hiding mode. I have been processing to work thru it so I do not fulfill my full on hermit mode dream. Hermit has always been a dream, woods, cabin, garden, barn, self sufficient except the once a month trip to town...but here I am in the middle of town and if I did not have to go to work I would never leave. I understand that this is not healthy. I also realize that escaping in books, shows, movies etc is not healthy. But I truly do like their life better than mine, and think even the issues, being different than mine are better. Don't get me wrong, I have a ton of things to be thankful for. My girls and grand kids are top of the list. Son in laws, job, home, comforts, car, friends, the list goes on and on. It is just easier not to worry about things I am not doing or did do. I do realize that time on this earth is not endless and I need to stop this cycle. Now, to start....