Sleep

Who needs sleep...you're never gonna get it

And if I were sitting with my girls I would say, name that song...and all would get it right because they are awesome like that!! And of course, either after, or instead of saying the answer we would all break out in song, and Shadow would look at us like we had lost our minds, although he has heard it often enough that he ignores us now lol

However this is a lack of sleep blog. I have been staying up until approx. 3-5 for a long time. I turn everything off early so that I can shut down. I read, I listen to music, I do a lot of different things. And if I should happen to go to bed at 10 or 11 ish I wake up by 12 or 1 ish... it is baffling.

Long gone are the nights I need to be alert to hear the babies crying, about 23 years (and this is not because Amanda was old enough not to cry, but because Ashley cried, or more accurately, screamed, until she was 7!! lol) JK Long gone are the nights that I have had to work a graveyard, wow it is a long gone thing, and long gone are the nights that I need to be awake and alert to keep peace, or to make sure he does not come in from shed or out from bedroom drunk and cause issues with kids.

So why am I still not sleeping you ask? It must be my head. Nightmares are less frequent than they used to be, but still there. We all know the fear of closing our eyes, dark, unknown...

I imagine this new bout is due to the 14th. He does not know where I am, but I am not near my babies, who are no longer babies and who no longer need me to protect them, as I did not protect them. I still remember the best night sleep I have gotten in the last 30 years. It was in Philadelphia. Hotel room was on 15th floor, dark, quiet, All of my girls were accounted for, away from AF ... I do not imagine there was any other reason, bed was good but not so spectacular it put me in an 8 hour coma...but sleep I did. I have often thought of returning there to see if it was the hotel ...

Well it is 4 am, and I guess if I am going to stay up, I should go finish my paper that is due tonight. Final paper in this class yay!! Only 6 more classes to go, and then I will be smart - s - m - r - t!!