A Thought, for My Thoughts

I was listening to music in the shower and the Fray came on, You Found Me.

There is no doubt that we live in a fast paced world. The longer I live the faster things go, life itself, games, shows, cars etc (think of older person rant) Tons of things have been made easier. I would not have made it as a pioneer woman. I am not strong enough stock. I am grateful for indoor plumbing, washing machines, fridge, central air and the list goes on. However, there are some that will never know a slower pace of life and that is too bad. We have done a ton of good but lost a lot in the process. Not a lot of family dinners around the fire, working side by side, talking, singing, and laughing together in the world as a whole. I am so grateful that my girls love these things, and are teaching their babes to work hard and earn what you want, and to enjoy life to the fullest. So as I am thinking about all of these things, and this song comes on I think to myself, why do we not listen to the teachings of Christ? Why do we ignore the old and new testament which says over and over, I am ALWAYS here. I am always near. I am ready and waiting. All you need to do is commit, ask and it shall be given, knock and it shall be opened. I love the picture of Him at the door, no doorknob. He would love to bless our lives but we do not invite Him in. We say we try, we say we prayed, we say we gave it a whirl, but it just did not happen in the way that I thought it should, did not bowl me over again and again and again until I absolutely could not ignore it. I think of all of the ways that we have evidence in our lives that their is a supreme being, and we ignore it, discount it, destroy it. We shout out to the universe about wanting to be heard, we want to be smacked in the head with a neon sign saying I am listening. Nothing comes without serious hard work. I am just now realizing that I have never put in that work, not full time. I have had bouts of hard work and a whole lot of lazy. A whole lot of yacking and not enough listening, pondering, praying. Whether or not I believe in Heavenly Father, I am not sitting quietly enough, reverently enough, surrounding myself with 100% good. I am not allowing myself to feel what I am begging to feel. I watch my kids work hard in their lives to accomplish their goals. I have worked hard physically in my life, I am working hard mentally now, in school and counseling, but I have never devoted myself to God in that way. Never opened my eyes and thought of Him before I thought of the day ahead of me or how I feel. Never excited to read more about His journey and to research His life as eagerly as I read Twilight or any mystery. The stories that will do nothing but entertain me I cannot get enough of. The story that will save my life, give me an opportunity to live again, that...well that is hard to get thru. I do not have the right to expect a paycheck without working, a life without living, to lose weight without exercising and eating wisely, how can I expect to be heard and hear and feel and more compassionate and loving towards others if I am not willing to learn more about how. Just my thoughts.