Day 21 - Water Splash and Something you cannot seem to get over

this one is similar to the one we did not to long ago, although I cannot remember the name of it without looking. And this will probably show up as day 22, but since I have not gone to bed yet it is still today. (just sayin)

This pic is a wee bit wicked (awful, skin crawling) but I could not look away! Actually I was drawn to it because of Amanda. She had a thing about eyes, eyes and smile are what I look at first, and she and I agreed that we would not like anything coming at our eye (although I have had to get over that in a big way!) but we would have had a conversation about this pic I am sure. I am about to insert it, but I am still not sure if I love it, or it creeps me out...which one rules??

I go with creeps me out, looks like the eyeball is coming out  with the water. AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH

Ok this next part is just as bad. Not sure I like some of the questions on this challenge.

There are some things that I will absolutely NEVER get over, and some I do not think I should get over. Tarah, is my number 1 never get over and never should get over. I never want to forget one minute of my time with her, never forget the wonderful things I have heard about her from different people, never forget being told that she kept asking who gave her those size 9 feet!!, never forget that feeling of her being in the temple with me. I never want to forget any of it, even the parts that make me feel as if someone is ripping my chest open with a dull spoon and taking my heart. I never want to forget the moment that I handed her to Doug and Nedra, or the weeks/months I kept her blanket with me and held on to it like it was all that was keeping me in place on this earth. I probably should but never will forget the moment the lawyer told me it was CA law that the birth mother hand the baby over to the adopted mother when the final signature was in place, even though they had already had her for several weeks. So she was handed to me, and then I had to turn around and give her away AGAIN. No, that was not like a billion knives with poison piercing every inch of your skin. I will never forget the day that I received a call telling me that she was gone...... No, I will NEVER EVER forget that, and NEVER EVER Get over that, never should.



And Donovan and details I will never get over but should get over to a certain extent. Hard to say. I do not believe I should ever get over something so painful because if it were not so painful I might get involved in it again (not Donovan) just saying that about awful things in your life. Forgive if you are able, but never forget that you never want that person or act in your life again. I believe that you should try to forget the harm because you could not survive if you did not try to do that. That is what counseling is, right? Working thru all of the things that are so painful that they keep us from wanting to feel anything, even at the expense of not feeling the good? Working on trying to live? Working on trying to enjoy living? We need to live, we need to love, we need to laugh. Some days that is asking a whole hell of a lot, but we need to, we should want to, we should rearrange our life if we do not want to.