Things you want to say to an ex - Donovan's Turn

Kimberly, I asked Troy if we could go to the prison at one point and ask him why...we talked about it, both of us had been thinking about it, but we never followed thru, I am guessing that I missed that boat since I have no plans to visit in the next 4 months.

•  I would ask why 
• I would ask after everything we talked about with his dad and others and the vehemence which he displayed when talking about it (red flag btw) why he would do this to anyone, much less his own babies, I do not understand. 
• I would ask why he did every destructive thing possibly and imaginable to us as a family when he had training/counseling/legal drugs/option after option to learn how to be as better as he claimed he wanted to be. 
• Why he would allow the sickness that he claimed ruined his life and he would not wish on anyone, did he inflict it on everyone that supported and loved him. 
• Why would he just even think that what he was doing was ok enough to do it? 
• Why would he think he could get away with it for any length of time?? 
• How did he feel knowing all he knew about lives he destroyed time and time again? 
• How does he live with himself? 
• Does he even own up to all he has done yet? A strategic confession in front of the prison judge whom he thought would gain him favor is not any sort of remorse. 
• Does he feel remorse? 
• Does he wish he could go back and never do it, not because he is in jail but because he feels something about it??? 
• I do not understand, I just do not. 

I do not have the right to utter the words, I would not do anything on purpose to hurt my girls, when I stayed or went back so many times, but I truly would not intentionally do anything that I know would break my girls hearts. I do not understand doing anything so heinous, deliberate, sickening, to someone I loved, someone I was supposed to protect.   Enough, I will never have the answers I seek because there are no answers, rhymes or reasons...